Biggest ironies of India

1) We'd rather spend more on daughters wedding than on her education.

2) We live in a country where seeing a policeman makes us nervous rather than feeling safe

3) In IAS exam, a person writes a brilliant 1500 words essay about how Dowry is a social evil. Impresses everyone and cracks the exam.
One year later same person demands a dowry of 1 crore, because he is an IAS officer.

4) Indians are very shy and still are 121 Crore in population.

5) Indians are obsessed with screen guards on their smartphones even though most come with scratch proof Gorilla Glass but never bother wearing a helmet while riding their bikes.

6) Reserved people get more benefit than deserved people...!

7) The worst movies earn the most

8) A porn-star is accepted in society as a celebrity, but a rape victim is not even accepted as a normal human being.

9) Politicians Divide us, Terrorists Unite us

10) Everyone is in a hurry, but no one reaches on time

11) Priyanka Chopra earned more money playing Mary Kom, than Mary Kom earned in her entire career.

12) Most people who fight over Gita and Quran, have probably never read any of them

13)The shoes we wear are sold in air Conditioned showrooms, the vegetables we eat are sold on the footpath..

Think !!!!

A little Trivia

A little trivia to make you seem smart !   

Glass  takes one million years to decompose, which means it never wears out and can be recycled an infinite amount of times.    

Gold  is the only metal that doesn't rust, even if it's buried in the ground for thousands of years.    

Your tongue is the only muscle in your body that is attached at only one end.    

If you stop getting thirsty, you need to drink more water. When a human body is dehydrated, its thirst mechanism shuts off.     

Zero  is the only number that cannot be represented by Roman numerals.    

Kits  were used in the American Civil War to deliver letters and newspapers.    

The song, Auld Lang Syne ,  is sung at the stroke of midnight in almost every    

English-speaking country in the world to bring in the new year.     

Drinking water after eating reduces the acid in your mouth by 61 percent.     

Peanut oil is used for cooking in submarines because it doesn't smoke unless it's heated above 450F.     

The roar that we hear when we place a seashell next to our ear is not the ocean, but rather the sound of blood surging through the veins in the ear.     

Nine out of every 10 living things live in the ocean.     

The banana cannot reproduce itself. It can be propagated only by the hand of man.    

Airports at higher altitudes-require a longer airstrip due to lower air density.    

The University of Alaska spans four time zones.   

The tooth is the only part of the human body that cannot heal itself.   

In ancient Greece tossing an apple to a girl was a traditional proposal of marriage. Catching it meant she accepted.     

Warner Communications paid 28 million for the copyright to the song Happy Birthday.      

Intelligent people have more zinc and copper in their hair.     

A comet's tail always points away from the sun.    

The Swine Flu vaccine in 1976 caused more death and illness than the disease it was intended to prevent.     

Caffeine increases the power of aspirin and other painkillers, that is why it is found in some medicines.     

The military salute is a motion that evolved from medieval times, when knights in   

armor raised their visors to reveal their identity.     

If you get into the bottom of a well or a tall chimney and look up, you can see stars, even in the middle of the day.   

When a person dies, hearing is the last sense to go. The first sense lost is sight.   

In ancient times strangers shook hands to show that they were unarmed.    

Strawberries  are the only fruits whose seeds grow on the outside.    

Avocados  have the highest calories of any fruit at 167 calories per hundred grams.    

The moon-moves about two inches away from the Earth each year.    

The Earth gets 100 tons heavier every day due to falling space dust.   

Due to earth's gravity it is impossible for mountains to be higher than 15,000 meters.    

Mickey Mouse is known as "Topolino" in Italy.    

Soldiers  do not march in step when going across bridges because they could set up a vibration which could be sufficient to knock the bridge down.    

Everything  weighs one percent less at the equator.    

For every extra kilogram carried on a space flight, 530 kg of excess fuel are needed at lift-off.      

The letter J does not appear anywhere on the periodic table of the elements. 

As kids see it . . .

1) NUDITY
I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening when a woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved.  She was stark naked!  As I was reeling from the shock, I heard my 5-year-old shout from the back seat, 'Mom, that lady isn't wearing a seat belt!'

2) OPINIONS

On the first day of school, a first-grader handed his teacher a note from his mother.  The note read, 'The opinions expressed by this child are not necessarily those of his parents.'
 
3) KETCHUP

A woman was trying hard to get the ketchup out of the jar.  During her struggle the phone rang so she asked her 4-year-old daughter to answer the phone. 'Mommy can't come to the phone to talk to you right now.  She's hitting the bottle.'
 
4) MORE NUDITY

A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women's locker room.  When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with ladies grabbing towels and running for cover.  The little boy watched in amazement and then asked, 'What's the matter, haven't you ever seen a little boy before?'
 
5) POLICE # 1

While taking a routine vandalism report at an elementary school, I was interrupted by a little girl about 6 years old.  Looking up and down at my uniform, she asked, 'Are you a cop?'  'Yes,' I answered and continued writing the report.  'My mother said if I ever needed help I should ask the police.  Is that right?'  'Yes, that's right,' I told her.  'Well, then,' she said as she extended her foot toward me, 'would you please tie my shoe?'
 
6) POLICE # 2

It was the end of the day when I parked my police van in front of the station. As I gathered my equipment, my K-9 partner, Jake, was barking, and I saw a little boy staring in at me. 'Is that a dog you got back there?' he asked.  'It sure is,' I replied.  Puzzled, the boy looked at me and then towards the back of the van.  Finally he said, 'What'd he do?'
 
7) ELDERLY

While working for an organization that delivers lunches to elderly shut-ins, I used to take my 4-year-old daughter on my afternoon rounds.  She was unfailingly intrigued by the various appliances of old age, particularly the canes, walkers and wheelchairs.  One day I found her staring at a pair of false teeth soaking in a glass.  As I braced myself for the inevitable barrage of questions, she merely turned and whispered, 'The tooth fairy will never believe this!'

8) DRESS-UP

A little girl was watching her parents dress for a party.  When she saw her dad donning his tuxedo, she warned, 'Daddy, you shouldn't wear that suit.'  'And why not, darling?' 
'You know that it always gives you a headache the next morning.'

9) DEATH

While walking along the sidewalk in front of his church, our minister heard the intoning of a prayer that nearly made his collar wilt. Apparently, his 5-year-old son and his playmates had found a dead robin.  Feeling that proper burial should be performed, they had secured a small box and cotton batting, then dug a hole and made ready for the disposal of the deceased.  The minister's son was chosen to say the appropriate prayers and with sonorous dignity intoned his version of what he thought his father always said: 'Glory be unto the Faaather, and unto the Sonnn, and into the hole he goooes.' (I want this line used at my funeral!)

10) SCHOOL

A little girl had just finished her first week of school.  'I'm just wasting my time,' she said to her mother.  'I can't read, I can't write, and they won't let me talk!'

11) BIBLE

A little boy opened the big family Bible.  He was fascinated as he fingered through the old pages.  Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible. He picked up the object and looked at it.  What he saw was an old leaf that had been pressed in between the pages.  'Mama, look what I found,' the boy called out.  'What have you got there, dear?'  With astonishment in the young boy's voice, he answered, 'I think it's Adam's underwear."

Did You Know These Everyday Things Had Names?

Glabella - The space between your eyebrows is called a glabella.

Petrichor - The way it smells after the rain is called petrichor.

Aglet - The plastic or metallic coating at the end of your shoelaces is called an aglet.

Barm - The foam on beer is called a barm.

Wamble - The rumbling of stomach is actually called a wamble.

Vagitus - The cry of a new born baby is called a vagitus.

Tines - The prongs on a fork are called tines.

Phosphenes - The sheen or light that you see when you close your eyes and press your hands on them are called phosphenes.

Box Tent - The tiny plastic table placed in the middle of a pizza box is called a box tent.

Overmorrow - The day after tomorrow is called overmorrow.

Minimus - Your tiny toe or finger is called minimus.

Agraffe - The wired cage that holds the cork in a bottle of champagne is called an agraffe.

Vocables - The 'na na na' and 'la la la', which don't really have any meaning in the lyrics of any song, are called vocables.

Interrobang - When you combine an exclamation mark with a question mark (like this ?!), it is referred to as an interrobang.

Columella Nasi - The space between your nostrils is called columella nasi.

Armscye - The armhole in clothes, where the sleeves are sewn, is called armscye.

Dysania - The condition of finding it difficult to get out of the bed in the morning is called dysania.

Griffonage - Unreadable hand-writing is called griffonage (Are you reading this dear doctors?)

Tittle - The dot over an “i” or a “j” is called tittle.

Crapulence - That utterly sick feeling you get after eating or drinking too much is called crapulence.

Brannock Device - The metallic device used to measure your feeet at th

Your Pun...ishment

1. The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.

2. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

3. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.

4. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian .

5. She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.

6. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: 'Keep off the Grass”.

7. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.

8. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

9. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.

10. The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

11. In a democracy it's your vote that counts. In feudalism it's your count that votes.

12. If you jumped off the bridge in Paris, you'd be In Seine .

13. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and says 'Dam!'

14. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a rootcanal? His goal: transcend dental medication.

15. There was the person who sent ten puns to friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did...

Quite Punny . . . . .

Lightning sometimes shocks people because it just doesn't know how to
conduct itself.

A prisoner's favorite punctuation mark is the period.  It marks the end
of his sentence.

A rule of grammar: double negatives are a no-no.

Sleeping comes so naturally to me, I could do it with my eyes closed.

Atheists don't solve exponential equations because they don't believe in
higher powers.

It's raining cats and dogs.  Well, as long as it doesn't reindeer.

I relish the fact that you've mustard the strength to ketchup to me.

My new theory on inertia doesn't seem to be gaining momentum.

The man who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned
veteran.

What did the grape say when it got stepped on?  Nothing - but it let out
a little whine.

If you don't pay your exorcist do you get repossessed ...??

John Deere's manure spreader is the only equipment the company won't
stand behind.

Pencils could be made with erasers at both ends, but what would be the
point?

I was arrested after my therapist suggested I take something for my
kleptomania.

A hungry traveller stops at a monastery and is taken to the kitchens.  A
brother is frying chips.  "Are you the friar?", he asks.  "No. I'm the
chip monk", he replies.

Yesterday I accidentally swallowed some food coloring.  The doctor says
I'm OK, but I feel like I've dyed a little inside.

What's the definition of a will?  (It's a dead giveaway).

Two peanuts were walking in a tough neighborhood and one of them was
a-salted.

Dedicated to all our Bangalore friends

(got as a forward on the email :-)

1. If you throw a stone randomly in Bangalore, chances are, it will hit a dog or a software engineer. While the dog may or may not have a strap (a.k.a. leash) around his neck, the software engineer will definitely have one.

2. In India we drive on the left of the road. In Bangalore, we drive on what is left of the road.

3. Q: What is the easiest way of causing traffic accidents in Bangalore?
A: Follow the traffic rules.

4. "A guy is house hunting in Bangalore. Meets old lady who is potential landlord. The conversation goes thus:Old lady: Where do you work for, son?
Guy (with an air of pompousness): I work in Infosys.
Old lady: Oh, that bus company! Sorry, we rent only to good IT people.
(It would appear that Infosys operates more buses than BMTC in Bangalore.)

5. Bangalore, where PG(Paying Guest) is the first business and IT, the second.

6. When someone says it is raining in Bangalore, be sure to ask them which area, which Main and which Cross.

7. If a Bangalorean stops at a traffic light, others behind him stop too because the others conclude that he has spotted a policeman that they themselves have not.

8. Bangalore is the only city where distance is measured in units of time.

9. Auto rickshaw driver, grocery seller and common shop keeper think that you earn at least 1 lakh per month if you are in IT sector.

10. Out of every 100 software engineers in Bangalore, 90 are utterly frustrated and rest have a girlfriend.

11. Bus drivers use the horn instead of the brakes.

12. I quote : "Bangalore: The City where more people know Language C than Kanada or Hindi".

13. Since it is easier to find an alcohol shop than a medicine shop in Bengaluru, the doctors have now started prescribing "dawa-daaru" for treatment.