Dedicated to all our Bangalore friends

(got as a forward on the email :-)

1. If you throw a stone randomly in Bangalore, chances are, it will hit a dog or a software engineer. While the dog may or may not have a strap (a.k.a. leash) around his neck, the software engineer will definitely have one.

2. In India we drive on the left of the road. In Bangalore, we drive on what is left of the road.

3. Q: What is the easiest way of causing traffic accidents in Bangalore?
A: Follow the traffic rules.

4. "A guy is house hunting in Bangalore. Meets old lady who is potential landlord. The conversation goes thus:Old lady: Where do you work for, son?
Guy (with an air of pompousness): I work in Infosys.
Old lady: Oh, that bus company! Sorry, we rent only to good IT people.
(It would appear that Infosys operates more buses than BMTC in Bangalore.)

5. Bangalore, where PG(Paying Guest) is the first business and IT, the second.

6. When someone says it is raining in Bangalore, be sure to ask them which area, which Main and which Cross.

7. If a Bangalorean stops at a traffic light, others behind him stop too because the others conclude that he has spotted a policeman that they themselves have not.

8. Bangalore is the only city where distance is measured in units of time.

9. Auto rickshaw driver, grocery seller and common shop keeper think that you earn at least 1 lakh per month if you are in IT sector.

10. Out of every 100 software engineers in Bangalore, 90 are utterly frustrated and rest have a girlfriend.

11. Bus drivers use the horn instead of the brakes.

12. I quote : "Bangalore: The City where more people know Language C than Kanada or Hindi".

13. Since it is easier to find an alcohol shop than a medicine shop in Bengaluru, the doctors have now started prescribing "dawa-daaru" for treatment.

Purpose of human life

Once a group of 50 people was attending a
seminar. Suddenly the speaker stopped and decided to do a group activity.

He started giving each one a balloon. Each one was asked to write his/her name on it using a marker pen. Then all the balloons were collected and put in another room.

Now these delegates were let in that room and asked to find the balloon which had their name written, within 5 minutes. Everyone was frantically searching for their name, colliding with each other, pushing around others and there was utter chaos.  At the end of 5 minutes no one could find their own balloon.

Now each one was asked to randomly collect a balloon and give it to the person whose name was written on it. Within minutes everyone had their own balloon.

The speaker began— exactly this is happening in our lives. Everyone is frantically looking happiness all around, not knowing where it is.

Our happiness lies in the happiness of other people. Give them their happiness; you will get your own happiness. And this is the purpose of human life

Fabulous English

George Carlin: Brilliant stuff!

 

 

A clip which is guaranteed to give you 9.1 minutes of laughter! Enjoy.

 

 

FABULOUS ENGLISH  FOR THOSE WHO SPEAK WELL!!

 

Political correctness gone berserk

 

 

  Click >>>>>Carlin

5 Principles of Indian Spirituality

The Five Principles of Indian Spirituality / Way of thinking .This is the principle as per various scriptures.It has nothing to do with any religion.

The First Principle states: 
“Every Person you encounter is the right one” 

No one comes into our life by chance. Everyone who is around us, every person with whom we interact, has a defined purpose - whether to teach us something, or to help us cope with a current situation. 

The Second Principle states: 

“Whatever has happened, is the only thing that could have happened” 
Nothing, absolutely nothing of that which we experienced could have been any other way. Not even in the least important detail. There is no “If only I had done that differently…, then it would have been different…”. What happened is the only thing that could have taken place. Every single situation in life which we encounter is absolutely perfect, even when it defies our understanding and our ego. 

The Third Principle states: 

“Each Moment in which something begins is the right moment” 
Everything begins at exactly the right moment, neither earlier nor later.When we are ready for it, for that something new in our life, it will be there - ready to begin. "When the student is ready, the teacher will appear": The Buddha 


The Fourth Principle states : 
“What is Over, is Over” 

When something in our life ends, it helps our evolution. That is why, enriched by each recent experience, it is better to let go of the past and move on. 


The Fifth and Final Principle states: 
"Nothing Is Permanent" 
This is a Universal Truth. Nothing in our lives is Eternal. Everything will change – some things earlier, some things later, but change is inevitable.

Lessons from a Japanese story

A 15 year old boy decided to study judo despite the fact that he had lost his left arm in a devastating car accident.

The boy began lessons with an old Japanese judo master. The boy was doing well, so he couldn't understand why, after three months of training the master had taught him only one move.

"Sensei,"(Teacher in Japanese) the boy finally said, "Shouldn't I be learning more moves?" "This is the only move you'll ever need to know," the sensei replied.

Not quite understanding, but fully believing in his teacher, the boy kept training. Several months later, the sensei took the boy to his first tournament.

Surprising himself, the boy easily won his first two matches. The third match proved to be more difficult, but after some time, his opponent became impatient and charged; the boy deftly used his one move to win the match. Still amazed by his success, the boy was now in the finals.

This time, his opponent was bigger, stronger, and more experienced. For a while, the boy appeared to be overmatched. Concerned that the boy might get hurt, the referee called a time-out.

He was about to stop the match when the sensei intervened. "No," the sensei insisted, "Let him continue." Soon after the match resumed, his opponent made a critical mistake: he dropped his guard. Instantly, the boy used his move to pin him. The boy had won the match and the tournament.

On the way home, the boy and sensei reviewed every move in each and every match. Then the boy summoned the courage to ask what was really on his mind.

"Sensei, how did I win the tournament with only one move?"

"You won for two reasons," the sensei answered. "First, you've almost mastered one of the most difficult throws in all of judo. And second, the only known defense for that move is for your opponent to grab your left arm."

The boy's biggest weakness had become his biggest strength...

Sometimes we feel that we have certain weaknesses and we blame our circumstances or ourselves for it but we never know that our weaknesses can become our strengths one day.
"Each of us is special and important, so never think you have any weakness, never think of pride or pain, just live your life to its fullest and extract the best out of it!"

 

CHEERS...

Indians Robbing Banks in US

Why people from India don't rob banks! 
 click on below....
 This will get you laughing

The story of a pencil

This is an article which was written by Paulo Coelho in his book "Like the Flowing River".
 

A boy was watching his grandmother write a letter. At one point he asked: ‘Are you writing a story about what we’ve done? Is it a story about me?’

 

His grandmother stopped writing her letter and said to her grandson: 'I am writing about you, actually, but more important than the words is the pencil I’m using. I hope you will be like this pencil when you grow up.’

 

Intrigued, the boy looked at the pencil. It didn’t seem very special.

‘But it’s just like any other pencil I’ve ever seen!’

 

‘That depends on how you look at things. It has five qualities which, if you manage to hang on them, it will make you a person who is always at peace with the world.’

 

‘First quality: You are capable of great things, but you must never forget that there is a hand guiding your steps. We call that hand God, and He always guides us according to His will.’

 

‘Second quality: Now and then, I have to stop writing and use a sharpner. That makes the pencil suffer a little, but afterwards, he’s much sharper. So you, too, must learn to bear certain pains and sorrows, because they will make you a better person.

 

‘Third quality: The pencil always allows us to use an eraser to rub out any mistakes. This means that correcting something we did is not necessarily a bad thing; it helps to keep us on the road to justice.’

 

‘Fourth quality: What really matters in a pencil is not its wooden exterior, but the graphite inside. So always pay attention to what is happening inside you.’

 

‘Finally, the pencil’s fifth quality: It always leaves a mark. in just the same way, you should know that everything you do in life will leave a mark, so try to be conscious of that in your every action’.

 

Now replacing the place of the pencil with you. Always remember them and never forget, and you will become the best person you can be.

One: You will be able to do many great things, but only if you allow yourself to be held in God's hand. And allow other human beings to access you for the many gifts you possess.

Two: You will experience a painful sharpening from time to time, by going through various problems in life, but you'll need it to become a stronger person.

Three: You will be able to correct any mistakes you might make.

Four: The most important part of you will always be what's on the inside &

Five: On every surface you walk through, you must leave your mark. No matter what the situation, you must continue to do your duties.

Allow this parable on the pencil to encourage you to know that you are a special person and only you can fulfill the purpose to which you were born to accomplish.

Never allow yourself to get discouraged and think that your life is insignificant and cannot make a change.

Great truths lie in simple things… I want to be a pencil… do you?

PERCEPTION : THE PROFESSOR AND THE MYSTIC

In a small town of Iran, there lived a Professor of Geography who had a close friend - the local Sufi mystic. One day, when they were going for their usual walk together, the Professor told his friend," Janaab, I like you very much for your compassion, your helpful attitude, your poetic insights, your kindness to all and your sense of humour. You are the best human being I have ever met. But there is one thing about you that I find very difficult to accept."

'Pray, what is that, please do tell me frankly.’ the mystic answered, ‘I have learnt from my Master that my critic is my best friend. You are my best friend, so I also want you to play the role of critic’,

"It is your way of trying to explain the happenings of this world. You use very circuitous language, and make things difficult to understand. Throughout my college and university days, I have trained myself in simple logic, in the efficacy of cause and effect. Why can't you try to do the same?”

The mystic did not answer, and they proceeded with their walk. Soon, they came to the market square, where a big crowd had collected. On enquiry, they were told that everyone was there to witness the public hanging of a person convicted of theft.

'Can you tell me, Professor, using your cause-and-effect theory, why this person is being hanged?' asked the mystic.

'Simple. Because he stole.' said the Professor triumphantly, and the mystic did not dispute that.

They carried on with their walk, and when they were passing a house, the mystic asked the Professor, 'do you know whose house this is?'

'Yes, it belongs to Abdullah the thief.'

'Why do you say Abdullah the thief?' asked the mystic.

'Because everyone knows he steals.'

'Oh, then why isn't he being hanged?'

'Because he has never been caught.' confidently answered the Professor, with a twinkle in his eye

'Then tell me, Professor, was that poor man in the market square being hanged because he stole or because he was caught?'

'Well,' said the Professor rather defensively, ' it was both, I guess.'

'Now' said the mystic, ' let us go back and investigate a little more. Let us find out how that man was caught.'

They went back to the market square and discovered that a resident of the locality who wanted to travel to Kabul had gone to the nearby river to cross it, but found that in spite of it being the summer month, the river was flooded. The resident cursed himself for not having started earlier from his home (as was his original plan) for it was getting dark, and so he could not go back safely. So, he decided to spend the night in an abandoned shelter there itself, and while doing so, he had seen the thief running away from the town with his booty.

'Now tell me, Professor, is this man being hanged because he is a thief, or because he was caught, or because this other resident delayed his start for Kabul and therefore spotted him that night?'

Now it was the turn of the Professor to keep quiet.

The mystic carried on: ' It is actually even more complicated than that. You are a Professor of Geography. You know this river should be quite dry in the summer months, yet it was flooded that night. And you know its cause.'

'Yes,' answered the Professor,' unusual and unexpected floods are occurring on this river because sometime back the tree cover next to the Hindu Kush mountains has been eradicated, the forests destroyed.'

'And who did that, and why?'

'50 years ago Changez Khan wanted to invade India via a route that the defender would not expect, and so he was creating a new route on which his soldiers could go.'

'So now tell me, is this man being hanged because he is a thief, or because he got caught, or because the other man delayed his departure for Kabul or because Changez Khan decided to invade India 50 years ago?'

As the Professor lapsed into thoughtful silence, the mystic said,' My dear man, everything in this world is interconnected, we are all part of an indivisible whole. To understand the universe, you have to become the Whole, and not just analyze it into parts. When you use cause and effect logic, you are analyzing the parts. That is fine, nothing wrong with it, for God has endowed us with an intellect which is meant for analysis The problem happens when we become arrogant enough to feel that we have the answer, when all that we have is a perspective. A perspective is just that - a perspective – and is no more right or wrong than any other perspective, however powerful may be the intellect behind it. The Hindus refer to these perspectives as maya because they represent duality, whereas Reality is at the level of what they call Advaita So, when I give you circuitous arguments for explaining any worldly phenomenon, I am merely drawing your attention to the reality of this Great Truth of advaita, of one-ness, which cannot be explained by any human words because all human languages convey things only by comparison, that is, by perspectives that exist at the level of maya, of duality.'

“You mean to say,” asked the Professor,” to know reality I have to become a Hindu?”

“Oh no, not at all”. answered the mystic “Reality is one, available within every human being. The one-ness that the Hindu mystics refer to is conveyed by the mystics and saints of all religions. Christ has said ‘if thine eye be single, they whole body shall be full of light’, and elaborated saying that this ‘singularity’ becomes evident as we purify our mind of all the evils or selfishness lying within it. By doing so, we don’t change our religion, but become a better human being, whatever religion we have been born in. 

Our own Jalaluddin Rumi conveyed this so beautifully:

The lamps are different, but the light is the same-

it comes from beyond.

If you keep looking at the lamp, thou are lost –

For thence arises number and plurality.

Fix your gaze upon the light.

Porotta making .. Kerala Style............

Porotta making .. Kerala Style............

 

Watch the video....

 

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?v=1428139227442505&set=vb.1423153721274389&type=2&theater

 

Puthandu - Tamil New Year

Puthandu, or better known as Tamil New Year, is the celebration of the first day of the Tamil new year in mid-April by Tamils in Tamil Nadu and Puducherry in India, in Sri Lanka and by the Tamil population in Malaysia, Singapore, Réunion and Mauritius. On this day, Tamil people greet each other by saying "Puthandu Vazthukal" or "Iniya Tamizh Puthandu Nalvaazhthukkal". The festive occasion is in keeping with the Hindu solar calendar.

 

Origin and significance

 

The Tamil New Year follows the Nirayanam vernal equinox and generally falls on 14 April of the Gregorian year. 14 April marks the first day of the traditional Tamil calendar and is a public holiday in both Tamil Nadu and Sri Lanka. Tropical vernal equinox fall around 22 March, and adding 23 degrees of trepidation or oscillation to it, we get the Hindu sidereal or Nirayana Mesha Sankranti (Sun's transition into Nirayana Aries).

 

Hence, the Tamil calendar begins on the same date observed by most traditional calendars in India as in Assam, West Bengal, Kerala, Manipur, Mithila, Odisha, Punjab, Tripura etc. not to mention Nepal, Bangladesh, Burma, Cambodia, Laos, Sri Lanka and Thailand. The 60-year cycle is ancient and is observed by most traditional calendars of India and China, and is related to 5 revolutions of Jupiter, or to 60-year orbit of Nakshatras (stars) as described in the Surya Siddhanta.

 

The 60 year cycle comes by 5 revolutions of Jupiter and 2 revolutions of Saturn. The relative position of Jupiter and Saturn in one particular year will be repeated after 60 years. The 60 year cycle was essentially conceived for predicting the climate of a particular year, as the relative position of the two major planets, Jupiter and Saturn, is recognized for its impact on climate.

 

The traditional Tamil year starts on 14 April 2014, Kaliyuga 5116. Vikrama and Shalivahana Saka eras are also used. There are several references in early Tamil literature to the April new year. Nakkirar, the author of the Nedunalvaadai writes in the 3rd century that the Sun travels from Mesha/Chitterai through 11 successive Raasis or signs of the zodiac. Kūdalūr Kizhaar in the 3rd century refers to Mesha Raasi/Chitterai as the commencement of the year in the Puranaanooru.

 

The Tolkaapiyam is the oldest surviving Tamil grammar that divides the year into six seasons where Chitterai marks the start of the Ilavenil season or summer. The 8th century Silappadikaaram mentions the 12 Raasis or zodiac signs starting with Mesha/Chitterai.

 

The Manimekalai alludes to the Hindu solar calendar as we know it today. Adiyarkunalaar, an early medieval commentator or Urai-asiriyar mentions the 12 months of the Tamil calendar with particular reference to Chitterai. There were subsequent inscriptional references in Pagan, Burma dated to the 11th century CE and in Sukhothai, Thailand dated to the 14th century CE to South Indian, often Vaishnavite, courtiers who were tasked with defining the traditional calendar that began in mid-April.

 

Celebration - Part of a series on Hinduism

 

Tamil people celebrate Tamil new year on 14 April. This is the month of Chitterai, the first month of the Tamil solar calendar. On the eve of Puthandu, a tray arranged with three fruits (mango,banana and jack fruit), betel leaves and arecanut, gold/silver jewellery, coins/money, flowers and a mirror is placed. This is to be viewed upon waking in the morning. In the temple city of Madurai, the Chitterai Thiruvizha is celebrated in the Meenakshi Temple.

 

A huge exhibition is held, called Chitterai Porutkaatchi. In some parts of Southern Tamil Nadu, it is called Chittirai Vishu. The day is marked with a feast in Tamil homes and entrances to the houses are decorated elaborately with kolams. In most parts of India, one can see neem trees blooming with their flowers and the first batch of mangoes hanging prominently. This day is celebrated by some communities with neem flowers and raw mangoes to symbolize growth and prosperity.

 

On the day of Tamil New Year, a big Car Festival is held at Tiruvidaimarudur near Kumbakonam. Festivals are also held at Tiruchirapalli, Kanchipuram and many other places.

 

Sri Lankan Tamils observe the traditional new year in April with the first financial transaction known as the 'Kai-vishesham' where elders gift money to the unmarried young, particularly children as a token of good luck. The event is also observed with the 'arpudu' or the first ploughing of the ground to prepare for the new agricultural cycle. The 'punya-kaalam' or auspicious time when the sun reportedly shifts from Meena raasi to Mesha raasi is considered ideal to commence new activities on a favorable note.

 

Sri Lankan Tamils begin the year with a herbal bath with 'maruthu-neer' with ingredients for good health. The game of 'por-thenkai' or coconut wars between youth is played in villages through the Tamil north and east of the island while cart races are also held. The festive Puthandu season in April is a time for family visits and the renewal of filial bonds. It coincides with the Sinhalese new year season.

 

In Malaysia and Singapore, Tamils join Sikhs, Malayalees and Bengalis to celebrate the traditional new year in mid-April with leaders across the political spectrum wishing the ethnic Indian community for the new year. Special religious events are held in Hindu temples, in Tamil community centers and Gurudwaras. Cultural programs and media events also take place. Its a day of celebration for the Indian community.

THE SCIENCE BEHIND TEMPLE BELLS

Most of the old temples have large bell at the entrance of the temple and you need to ring it before you enter temple. A Temple bell have a scientific phenomena; it is not just your ordinary metal. It is made of various metals including cadmium, lead, copper, zinc, nickel, chromium and manganese. The proportion at which each one of them mixed is real science behind a bell. Each of these bells is made to produce such a distinct sound that it can create unity of your left and right brain. The moment you ring that bell, bell produces sharp but lasting sound which lasts for minimum of seven seconds in echo mode good enough to touch your seven healing centres or chakras in your body. The moment bell sound happens your brain is emptied of all thoughts. Invariably you will enter state of Tran’s state where you are very receptive. This Trans state is the one with awareness. You are so occupied in mind that only way to awaken you is with a Shock! Bell works as Anti-dote to your mind. Before you enter temple – to awake you and prepare you for taste of awareness is the real reason behind temple bell.

Self Aprisal

A little boy went into a drug store, reached for a soda carton and pulled it over to the telephone. He climbed onto the carton so that he could reach the buttons on the phone and proceeded to punch in seven digits (phone numbers).

The store-owner observed and listened to the conversation:

Boy: "Lady, Can you give me the job of cutting your lawn?

Woman: (at the other end of the phone line): "I already have someone to cut my lawn."

Boy: "Lady, I will cut your lawn for half the price of the person who cuts
your lawn now."

Woman: I'm very satisfied with the person who is presently cutting my lawn.

Boy: (with more perseverance) : "Lady, I'll even sweep your curb and your sidewalk, so on Sunday you will  have the prettiest lawn in all of Palm beach , Florida."

Woman: No, thank you.

With a smile on his face, the little boy replaced the receiver. The
store-owner, who was listening to all this, walked over to the boy.

Store Owner:   "Son... I like your attitude; I like that positive spirit and
would like to offer you a job."

Boy: "No thanks,

Store Owner: But you were really pleading for one.

Boy: No Sir, I was just checking my performance at the job I already have. I am the one who is working for that lady I was talking  to!"*This is what we call "Self Appraisal"*

How to Keep Busy When Retired...

Working people frequently ask us, as a retired couple, what we do to make our days interesting. Well, the other day my wife and I went into town and went into a shop. We were only in there for about five minutes.

When we came out, there was a policeman writing out a parking ticket. We went up to him and said, 'Come on sir, how about giving a pensioner a break?' He ignored us and continued writing the ticket. So I called him a fascist bastard. He glared at me and started writing another ticket for having worn tyres. So my wife called him a total pillock.

He finished the second ticket and put it on the windscreen with the first. Then he started writing a third ticket. We continued to call him every name under the sun, and he just kept writing those tickets...

This went on for about 20 minutes, and then our bus arrived. There's always something fun to do as a pensioner...

A ghost story from Colombo General Hospital

This case happened at Colombo General  Hospital's Intensive Care Unit where patients always died in the same bed and on all Sunday mornings at 11 a. m, regardless of their medical condition. This puzzled the doctors and some even thought that it had something to do with the supernatural. No one could solve the mystery as to why the deaths took place at 11 AM.   So a hospital-wide expert team was constituted and they decided to go down to the ward to investigate the cause of the incidents. So on the next Sunday morning, a few minutes before 11 a.m., all doctors and nurses nervously waited outside the ward to see for themselves what the terrible phenomenon was all about. Some were holding wooden crosses, prayer books and other holy objects to ward off evil. The clock struck 11...    And then...... Sumanadasa, the part-time Sunday sweeper entered the ward, unplugged the Life Support System                                                        &   plugged in his Vaccum Cleaner..........